U.S. Declares Peace!

2011-12-26T14:23:00.000-08:00

In a sudden and startling move, the U.S. House and Senate unanimously passed a joint resolution declaring peace with the rest of the world, including the war-torn Middle East.

Republican majority leader John Boehner issued a statement before an astonished Press Corps that, "No amount of oil is worth taking a human life over! If that means we have to start riding bikes to work, then that's a price we are willing to pay."

In a flurry of legislative activity, bills were introduced by members of both parties offering compromises on a host of issues ranging from health care, tax, immigration and campaign finance reform, to regulations aimed at preventing banking fraud and deceptive trading practices, job creation, preserving Social Security and Medicaid, and measures to relieve poverty and hunger among the nation's poor, elderly and unemployed.

Members of Occupy Wall Street were invited to meet with the President and members of Congress to address issues of mutual concern.

News analysts speculated what could be causing the unexpected outpouring of goodwill from Washington. Was it the desire to turn over a new leaf at the beginning of a brand new year, or the realization that things in the U.S. and abroad have reached a point where we must all work together to solve the problems that confront us?

One major news network claimed to have obtained a leaked memo regarding the secret Chemtrail program in which C.I.A. drones are said to be spraying toxic chemicals high above the U.S. to poison American citizens in a globalist attempt to undermine U.S. sovereignty and bring about a one world government. The memo stated that the drones had mistakenly released tons of a generic mood elevating drug used to treat severe depression and anxiety.

Although the Chemtrail memo has not been verified, it does offer a partial explanation for the bizarre mood of compromise and compassion on Capitol Hill.

Urkat's Revenge

U.S. Declares Peace!